PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
