My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
