I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
