do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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