what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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