You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
