Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
