Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
