Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
