Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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