I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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