I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize