I'm sorry my penis didn't work
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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