If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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