Dude i fell asleep inside of her
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.