my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?