I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.