you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
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Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
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When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been