READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
