forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
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We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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