Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
