Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
