I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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