none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
