So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
