Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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