I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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