i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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