If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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