some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
