Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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