It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
