My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
