Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
