he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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