fuck your aforementioned shoe
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
