Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
