WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
