I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
