I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
