Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
