I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can I color on your dick again?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
