I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
