We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
