It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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