Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
