Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
