he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
