hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
