Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
