I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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