I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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