You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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