who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
