What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
