are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
