Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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