you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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