I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
