just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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