This girl is more easily done than said...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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