I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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