She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
