Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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