I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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