Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
