two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
