You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
