i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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