It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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