i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
