At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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