Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
