Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I checked into jail on foursquare
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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