I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i already hear my dad disowning me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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