"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
