You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
