...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
