literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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