There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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