So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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