I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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